It’s only 5.45am and what a day it’s been already. Today everybody finds out which school their children with start at. I was very very nervous yesterday because I couldn’t work out which catchment we came in to. We are on the boundary of councils and I have no idea whether she would get into the school nearest us. 
My friend has even talked me through the appeals process. I knew you could log onto the council website after midnight but did I really want to be waking myself up with an alarm at midnight then not being able to sleep because I’m so worried about what will happen. Anyway at 3 AM I woke up as per with a foot in my face, I got up to go to the loo desperately trying not to check my emails eventually I bit the bullet and opened that council message. 
Total relief is what I felt, she got into the first choice school which is two seconds from our house. So the anxious feelings should’ve disappeared at that point. But they didn’t. I now feel panicked, anxious and worried at the thought of her going to school, my little baby is all grown up. 
I’ve got really choked thinking of her standing in her uniform and going in the school gates and gaining lots of independence and not needing me so much any more. It brings tears to my eyes. I know she’ll be fine, she’s been going to the childminder since she was eight weeks old and I had to go back to work, but this feels really different. I know that she will probably skip through the school gates and enjoy learning and playing with new friends but I just feel weird about it. 
So when I tell her later about the school that she’s going to, i’ll front it out just like I do with the fear when we get on a rollercoaster, I block it out and she will get excited. 

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